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 Maniac's Mad Compilation of Hilarious Jokes

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Maniac



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PostSubject: Maniac's Mad Compilation of Hilarious Jokes   Sun Feb 22, 2009 1:10 pm

Here are a few jokes that I came across (I'm not saying I made them) which I thought were quite funny. Enjoy!

Rabbit test
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"


Windows error
Error: Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.


Speaking with the general
It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.

A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"

The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"

Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied "Sir, Yes Sir!".

The General continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"

The Private didn't agree, but them the private was just a private, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"

The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."

The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said "Sir, Yes Sir!"

The General continued "I got this dog for my wife."

The Private simply said "Good trade Sir!"


Elvis virus

Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus

Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

Bill Gates picks his own punishment
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.

Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."

"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.

As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"

"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.

"The bottle has a hole in it!"

"What about the PC?"

"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan.

"And it's missing three keys,"

"Which three?"

"Control, Alt and Delete."




More to come soon!

nb. I will try to update the jokes daily but if I fail every few days. Hope you enjoy them!


Last edited by Maniac on Mon Feb 23, 2009 12:00 pm; edited 4 times in total
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Ulqui0rra

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PostSubject: Re: Maniac's Mad Compilation of Hilarious Jokes   Mon Feb 23, 2009 5:08 am

The mouse thing was a good one!
But somehow, I don't understand the badly beaten bear place... scratch Question Question
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~WP|Beast|AAS*L/RFD~

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PostSubject: Re: Maniac's Mad Compilation of Hilarious Jokes   Mon Feb 23, 2009 5:51 am

Both were really funny!
the badly beaten bear is the LAPD torturing someone to make them say what they want them to say
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Maniac



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PostSubject: Re: Maniac's Mad Compilation of Hilarious Jokes   Mon Feb 23, 2009 12:00 pm

/joke list updated
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~WP|Beast|AAS*L/RFD~

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PostSubject: Re: Maniac's Mad Compilation of Hilarious Jokes   Mon Feb 23, 2009 1:22 pm

lol
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PostSubject: Re: Maniac's Mad Compilation of Hilarious Jokes   Mon Feb 23, 2009 2:06 pm

Haha, they're gooood Very Happy

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PostSubject: Re: Maniac's Mad Compilation of Hilarious Jokes   Tue Feb 24, 2009 1:10 am

haha Very Happy good jokes
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